Are you looking for an INFJ Guide to Dating?
This is an INFJ Dating Guide dedicated to the deep thinkers navigating the modern love landscape in the age of dating apps. INFJs tend to crave deep conversations, deep connections, and deep understanding of their thoughts and feelings.
As a result, INFJs struggle with some self-doubt that they will feel fulfilled and find love in our seemingly superficial world.
How do we actually find meaningful relationships in today’s age of the abundance of choice and shallowness? Can we truly trust our deepest desires and expect our own needs will be adequately satisfied?
Every month, my INFJ Compatibility Chart brings in new visitors from both Google Search and Pinterest. It was one of my very first articles and it happens to be my highest traffic post to date. As a result, I decided to write these 5 tips and also have been working on an INFJ relationship and dating guide!
Close relationships really determine a person’s quality of life. Romantic relationships particularly can be a great source of joy, meaning, and fulfillment for most of us. An intimate bond sets the foundation for our well-being by encouraging personal growth, addressing attachment needs, and potentially raising a family together eventually.
Learn some simple tips for modern dating, with or without the use of a dating app. I’ll share some personal wisdom from my past experiences. I learned a lot in a short amount of time because I knew I wanted to start a family young!
1 – Learn The Art of Dating
Dating is such a fun topic. It has always been my favorite to discuss, so I will try to jam-pack this with the best advice for dating catered to INFJ personality types! (However, anyone looking for a romantic partner can benefit from reading this article to learn some advice to actually enjoy the process.)
When I was developing my dating strategy, I listened to every single podcast that was available at the time in the summer of 2020. I highly recommend that even beyond this article that you seek the wisdom of others regarding the topic. Each piece of content tends to offer a unique perspective and help you understand the range of experiences and emotions you can expect.
The INFJ personality type really savors alone time and despises small talk, so going on many casual dates might not seem like an attractive challenge to engage in. However, if that is your belief, please reconsider your approach and thought process to finding a suitable long-term romantic partner.
Because the truth is that: Dating is a NUMBERS game!
The sooner you realize this reality, the sooner you can adjust your expectations, practice high standards, and feel comfortable with the whole process.
When looking for a life partner, the best way to set yourself up for success is to really explore and evaluate your options.
I made an easy acronym for you to have a framework for every single date that you engage in. It’s the 5 vowels of the alphabet.
The Process of Dates: AEIOU
A: Attraction = Determine whether or not you are actually attracted to the person
E: Exchange = Talk or message to engage in conversation with this person
I: Invitation = Ask out or respond to getting asked out on a date
O: Outing = Go on a one-on-one date to spend time together
U: Understanding = Evaluate whether or not you want to continue to date the person, and then restart the AEIOU process to continue dating.
4 Types of Attraction: PIES
One thing that really helped me understand whether or not I was actually attracted to a person is the acronym PIES that represents the four different types of attraction that we feel for people.
Ideally, we feel attracted on all of these 4 levels to our suitable long-term partner.
P: Physical (Does this person physically turn you on?)
I: Intellectual (Can you mentally engage with this person easily and often in conversation?)
E: Emotional (Do you feel safe with this person to share your thoughts, feelings, and genuine self?)
S: Spiritual (Does this person’s values feel truly aligned with your own values?)
2 – Know Exactly What You are Looking For
Before you ever go on a date, you first need to train yourself to filter people properly for your love list. Get a piece of paper, write two list titles and fill out the sheet honestly.
The first column should list “Your Needs” that you do not waver, settle, or make any exceptions for. The second column should list “Your Wants” that are nice to have, but are not necessary.
This will literally save you so much time in the entire process of dating. DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP. (Seriously!)
Draft and redo the lists as many times as you need to until you feel absolutely satisfied with your love list. You can use the 4 different types of attraction to help you brainstorming your standards.
When you do finalize it, you need to memorize it. This is going to be your filter for figuring out whether or not a potential mate is worth further investment.
Use the list to evaluate every person you date. Do not waste your precious time if someone doesn’t meet a requirement on “Your Needs” list.
If you do this, I swear that finding a person becomes exponentially easier because you know exactly what you are looking for. This does not mean that it will happen quickly, but this helps you to understand and actually get better at the process.
By setting up logical requirements, then you can resist bad decisions. You are thinking as long-term as possible for yourself by doing this seriously.
3 – Have a List of Go-to Date Ideas
This is an easy way to get over the mental blockage of going on dates. You need have a long list available of dates that you would have fun going on regardless of whether or not you like the person or not.
For example, my go-to date when I was in the middle of this process was a walk in a public place with beautiful nature scenery. I knew that even if the person and I didn’t vibe romantically, we would still most likely enjoy getting fresh air and experiencing natural landscapes. I really liked parks with tall trees, and sometimes we would grab a quick drink like coffee or tea to walk around with.
Walking during dates is a really good way to avoid awkward pauses, because both people can enter into a meditative state while discussing together. It feels really casual, yet also surprisingly cozy to walk together. Tends to less pressure than maybe sitting across from each other at a serious restaurant for a first date.
4 – Learn Your Accurate Type
Are you really an INFJ woman or an INFJ man? INFJ women and INFJ men don’t tend to have too much trouble getting romantically involved with people, but they may have struggles feeling fulfilled long-term because INFJs deeply want genuine, true love with a strong mental/spiritual connection.
You can take my quick, easy MBTI quiz to help identify which of the 16 personality types you are. Additionally, you can fill out my contact form if you would personally want to be typed by me in a video call.
Your type never changes throughout your life. The cognitive functions are developed through lifelong preferences and therefore MBTI personality type is arguably innate.
Make sure you actually know your true type!
5 – Learn How to Type Others
MBTI is a tool. It has frameworks of understanding the different ways that people take information and make decisions. When you learn to accurately type others, it is so helpful for dating because you can understand whether or not you match or contrast in certain aspects with the person.
We can explore the four dichotomies in MBTI to get an idea of how you can use Myers-Briggs in evaluating potential romantic partners.
4 MBTI Dichotomies
Introversion/Extroversion (I/E) – Do you prefer to match or contrast with an introvert/extrovert? You can reflect upon past experiences of friendships and romance to evaluate which type of person you feel your best self with.
Sensing/Intuition (S/N) – In Gifts Differing, matching in this dichotomy was the most important determinant in long-term marriage success. I personally notice that it determines what a person prefers to generally talk about more, and therefore matching helps in bonding through conversations.
Thinking/Feeling (T/F) – For this, I think the cognitive functions are actually more effective than just the letters in the type code. Are you Ti/Fe (introverted thinking + extroverted feeling) or Fi/Te (introverted feeling + extroverted thinking)? Would you watch to have the same judging functions or do you enjoy having different judgments to cover each other’s blindspots?
Judging/Perceiving (J/P) – Do you extrovert your judgement or your perception? Would you a prefer a person who does the same or the opposite? Judgers crave definitive action externally, while Perceivers want to gather as much new information as possible before making a decision.
Lastly, please download my free MBTI resource guide to get my mailing list to be notified whenever my guide is released.
I also will be coming out with either a masterclass or short digital course to effectively use MBTI in everyday life to improve relationships and understand good communication with different types of people!