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Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow Summary

Published On: May 12, 2023|Categories: Best Books, Dating, Psychology|By |Views: 912|

A Quick Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow Summary

The concepts in this book will change how you view relationships entirely.

The book is an easy read that will help you to learn a new perspective about the biology of sex and how hormones heavily influence mating behaviors in long-term relationships.

Keep reading for a Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow Summary, which is a text written by Marnia Robinson! Click here to buy the book at Amazon.com.

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cupids-poisoned-arrow-summary-book-cpa-marnia-robinson-monogamy
cupids-poisoned-arrow-summary-book-cpa-marnia-robinson-passion-cycles

The Effects of Sex on Brain Chemistry (Book Summary)

Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow Quotes

“HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS BOOK TO MY FRIENDS?”

Mammalian Mating vs Bonding Programs driving intimate relationships

MATING: urge to exhaust ourselves sexually as often as possible “habituation pedal”

Often leads partners to habituate to each (& get fed up with one another)

BONDING: increases balance & makes togetherness more deeply satisfying “harmony pedal”

With knowledge → more conscious choice

A SYNOPSIS OF KEY IDEAS

  • Mating – The “Habituation Pedal”
    • Driven by a very old part of the brain (common to all mammals)
    • Our mammalian brain can’t “think” & instead operates on impulses
  • Is the seat of our REWARD circuitry that governs our drives, desires, & emotions
    • Falling in love causes neurochemical changes in reward circuitry
      • Exciting HONEYMOON chemicals normally keep us slightly addicted to our loves for as long as TWO YEARS (though they can wear off sooner anytime)
        • This timing on average is to last long enough for the caregivers to bond to a CHILD if one was to be conceived
  • No mammals are 100% monogamous
    • Very few pair up for life
    • More mates improves our genes’ chances for survival
    • Your biology does not care about your “happiness”
  • Sexual satiety (the “I’m done!” feeling) leads mates to tire of each other
    • Once honeymoon neurochemistry fades, the emotional distance caused by acting upon sexual desire becomes more noticeable
  • Neurochemical fluctuations happen after orgasm
    • Can make a mate look less “rewarding” → feeling like falling out of love (habituation)
  • Also can make potential new mates look very appealing (because neurochemically excited by paying attention to novelty)
    • This phenomenon of habituation is observed in both male & female mammals
  • Neurochemical fluctuations last for approximately TWO WEEKS – a PASSION CYCLE
    • Sometimes is very subtle but can make lovers feel unusually needy, anxious, drained, or irritable throughout the two weeks as your brain chemistry attempts to return to baseline normal
    • Due to recurring discomfort in a passion cycle, we may begin to associate our lover or intimate relationships as a source of stress
    • However, orgasm will still seem like a good idea (despite being the cause of the neurochemical imbalances)
  • In the case of SUPERSTIMULATION, the lows/comedown of a passion cycle can drive a person to seek another orgasm ASAP in order to self-medicate
    • Superstimulation scenarios: internet porn, risky sex, forbidden sex
    • Repeated stimulation causes repeated lows → the search for relief via orgasm may become habitual, causing an oversensitivity to sexual cues + compulsive behavior
  • Reversing this to restore equilibrium can require ABSTINENCE from sexual stimuli & orgasm because of semi-permanent changes in reward circuitry
    • Helpful tools to ease the return to balance: BONDING BEHAVIORS, contact with others, visualization techniques, exercise, & meditation

Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow Book Chapters

  1. Ch. 1: BIOLOGY HAS PLANS FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE
  2. WISDOM OF THE AGES: TAOISM
  3. Ch. 2: ELEPHANTS IN THE LIVING ROOM
  4. WISDOM OF THE AGES: CHRISTIANITY
  5. Ch. 3: A WHALE’S TAIL
  6. WISDOM OF THE AGES: HINDUISM
  7. Ch. 4: AT THE HEART OF THE SEPARATION VIRUS
  8. WISDOM OF THE AGES: CORTEZIA
  9. Ch. 5: THE PASSION CYCLE
  10. WISDOM OF THE AGES: MALE CONTINENCE
  11. Ch. 6: THE ROAD TO EXCESS
  12. WISDOM OF THE AGES: KAREZZA – ALICE B. STOCKHAM, MD
  13. Ch. 7: LEARNING TO STEER
  14. WISDOM OF THE AGES: KAREZZA – J. WILLIAM LLOYD, MD
  15. Ch. 8: SCIENCE THAT BINDS
  16. WISDOM OF THE AGES: BUDDHISM
  17. Ch. 9: BRIDGING THE GAP
  18. WISDOM OF THE AGES: RAINBOW SERPENT TRADITIONS
  19. Ch. 10: THE PATH OF HARMONY
  20. WISDOM OF THE AGES: TRANSORGASMIC SEX
  21. “HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS BOOK TO MY FRIENDS?”
  22. The Ecstatic Exchanges

It is worth the read! You can use this link to buy the book at Amazon.com.

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